Poem: Rainy Children

Puddles kissing rubber soles
smack splash click clash
bright light strike, the thunder roles
smack splash click clash
children cheer and parents snap
smack splash click clash
father's hands become a trap
smack splash click clash
grey becomes the beaten's clothes
smack splash click clash
bitter tears as from a hose
smack splash click clash
days come days go, come and go
smack splash click clash
rainy children filled with woe

When God is not near

I constantly find myself angry with God for things that have happened. The past year is no exception. As I've fully made the transition from kid life to adult life, God has thrown huge and excruciating obstacles my way (and if He isn't the one causing these things to happen, He is at the very least allowing it). I am by no means denying the goodness, grace, mercy, and lovingkindness He constantly shows me. Nonetheless, I often feel burdened with great disappointment (and even anger) in the midst of anything good that may happen to me. The past year was the most difficult of my two-decade life (yes, even trumping the devastating break up of my ill-fated junior high romance) and I simply don't understand for what purpose it all happened. After disappointment I can usually reflect and see the lessons, discipline, and Fatherly love that each situation exposed. Not this year. Is it okay for me to be angry with God? Not just okay, but is it Biblical?

It seems natural that I would turn to David for guidance in this area. David writes in Psalm 13:

How long, O Lord? Will you forget me forever?
How long will you hide your face from me?
How long must I wrestle with my thoughts
And every day have sorrow in my heart?
How long will my enemy triumph over me?
Look on me and answer, O Lord my God.
Give light to my eyes, or I will sleep in death;
My enemy will say, "I have overcome him,"
And my foes will rejoice when I fall. (vv 1-4)

And then in Psalm 22 he writes:

My God, my God, why have you forsaken me?
Why are you so far from saving me
So far from the words of my groaning?
O my God, I cry out to you by day, but you do not answer,
By night, and am not silent (vv 1-2)

These are just two examples of multiple pleas from David throughout the Psalms. Was he angry with God? Absolutely. However, if you continue to read through the end of the Psalms above, David ends on a note of knowing God will return with grace and lovingkindness. My faith in this promise for myself is thin. I feel that all I can do is plead for God to restore this faith in me.

God, remove my wickedness in not believing in your promises. Restore my faith. Please ease my burden, and do not turn your face from me any longer. If there is a lesson in all of this, God, reveal that to me so that I might praise you for your discipline and guidance. Amen

Kids are freaking hysterical

So, here are some of my favorite quotes from the kiddies at school:

Conversation one:  

Student: Mrs. Thien, what's your birthday?

Me: September 5th

Student:  Ooh, Mrs. Thien, you must be kin to my family.

Me: Why, do I have the same birthday as someone you know?  When is your birthday?

Student: No, my birthday is November 27th.

Me: Oh yeah, what year?

Student: 2001.  What about you Mrs. Thien?

Me: 1985

Student: Oooh, you and my grandma was both born in the ones!

Conversation two (I overheard this one, keep in mind this is second grade):

One student to another:  You know who I think is sexy? Brian McKnight.

Second student: Brian McKnight, girl, he's old.

First student: Nope, we went and saw him in concert, and he's lookin good.

More to come...

Poetry: In the corn

(Still in progress)


In the corn
We fled our innocence,
Our naivete tumbling out
Of the car with us-
Our feet as urgent
For the dirt and stalks
As we for each other.
We laid below
the panting leaves-
The light peered over
pale yellow ears,
Illuminating the tense forearm
That grappled at me gently.
In the corn
I worried we might be caught arrested humiliated.
You reassured.
But the wind continued to taunt me.
We got back in my car
And spoke not of corn
The rest of the day.

Battle

It seems I find myself in battle. For those that know me well, rather, know me at all, I am likely the most cynical person you have ever met. I consider it my greatest vice. It builds unscalable walls inside of my most important relationships and has often prevented relationships from ever actually taking root. I often claim that it is my nature. Unavoidable. A loss of said cynicism would be a loss of my identity itself. And a large part of this is true. I would drown in silence at a dinner table with friends or family if I couldn't enjoy sharing a wittingly sharp jab at someone else's expense, usually exposing an impossibly unattainable goal or a person's sheer naivity.
I'm a thief. I steal people's dreams out from underneath them. And in the end, I'm undermining God's speaking into people's lives. The Holy Spirit is whispering into hearts goals that are impossibly unattainable and seemingly naive. But how have I allowed my deep rooted cynicism (that is not of God, but of my sinful nature) to place fear into these people's lives? I love these people but for some time now, I have loved my cynicism more. Forgive me if I have dashed dreams, been insulting, or brashly opposed a great dream you have had. Forgive me for harsh comments and rude words.
I see now what great affect these can have, as I have so engrained this cynicism in my identity that I myself feel defeated in my own dreaming. God, please remove this from me. Only then can I know the fullness of your abilities; only then will I begin to see miracles; only then will I know that we shall all "do greater things than these".