Do not be deceived

Is our God not an amazing God? This is one of those few, but oh so powerful, moments of clarity in my life. I am currently sitting in a local coffee shop, enjoying the beautiful NOLA fall, attempting to get caught up on my school work. Alas, I am forever distracted; this time I welcome the distraction as I contemplate how wonderfully intricate are the weavings of the author of the universe.

This last weekend, I lead a workshop for the New Orleans area Campus Crusade for Christ Fall Retreat. I did so reluctantly, as I felt overwhelmed with school, work, and life in general. (In fact, I would like to claim I was tricked into leading a workshop, but that argument is now a moot point.) I was asked to simply provide a time of testimony as my workshop; the Campus Crusade leader, Adam, felt that a lot of students would connect with me. Over the next week I prayed and asked God what on earth I would share with these students (in all honesty, I didn't think many students would select my workshop). I had decided that I would do what I had been asked, simply providing the testimony of my walk with Christ, how Christ had pursued me when I rejected Him, and how I now not only believe, but follow Christ. I shared with the students (a lot came!) my struggle with sexual immorality and the emotional toll it had taken on my life. I shared that as I struggled with sin and the overwhelming guilt of it all, I had believed I was too tattered, broken, and unpure to return to Christ or his body, the church. Luckily, I now know that guilt was a tool that Satan used to continue and prolong my seperation from Christ. We all stumble, but take heart, Christ has made us righteous, redeemed, and adopted us!

All of this is to say, after I came to terms with my sin and reconnected with Christ, I was at a conference where a very wise John Piper shared a piece of scripture I wish I would have heard earlier as I struggled with my sin. In it, we are reminded that after we sin, we will not allow the enemy to use it against us, but instead will bring it into the light so that Christ may use it to His glory. I shared this scripture with the students at the retreat:

Micah 7:8-10

Do not rejoice over me, O my enemy. Though I fall I will rise; Though I dwell in darkness, the LORD is a light for me.

I will bear the indignation of the LORD Because I have sinned against Him, Until He pleads my case and executes justice for me. He will bring me out to the light, {And} I will see His righteousness.

Then my enemy will see, And shame will cover her who said to me, "Where is the LORD your God?" My eyes will look on her; At that time she will be trampled down Like mire of the streets.



Christ has truly overcome our sins. We can have victory over our sins. We may dwell in darkness in that moment, but how much greater is our God for bringing us into the light. He will trample over our enemy, and He will see nothing but our righteousness!

After one of my workshops, a student that I know shared with me that her story was very similar to mine. She shared that as she moves beyond the sin, she has overwhelming feelings of inadequacy and feels as though she does not deserve the blessings of a Biblical, Christ following man because of her inpurity. I shared that I too struggled (and still struggle) with feeling inferior and inadequate. I shared a couple of things with her, one being a Beth Moore talk I saw a few years ago, where she talks about how as a woman she constantly compared herself to others she saw as more "pure, virtuous, and less sinful" than she. She asked us to ask ourselves "Who are you comparing yourself to?" and then to ask ourselves "Who is God comparing us to?". And with that, she shared that God looks at us and sees the righteousness that is Christ; nothing else. That is true forgiveness. We must learn to forgive ourselves! I also recommended that this young girl memorize a piece of scripture that reminds her of her place in Christ, something she can fall back on when she has those moments of doubt and feelings of inadequacy. I wanted to share that verse she chose, because it was soooooo powerful, and I thought it would be great for others to be reminded of:

I Cor.6:9-11
Or do you not know that the unrighteous will not inherit the kingdom of God? Do not be deceived; neither fornicators, nor idolaters, nor adulterers, nor effeminate, nor homosexuals,
nor thieves, nor {the} covetous, nor drunkards, nor revilers, nor swindlers, will inherit the kingdom of God.
Such were some of you; but you were washed, but you were sanctified, but you were justified in the name of the Lord Jesus Christ and in the Spirit of our God.

What I love about this verse is that it does not negate the fact that we have fallen and sinned against God, but rather, brings it into the light and shows the contrast of who we were and who we now are in Christ. We have been washed, and as much as Satan would like for us to doubt our place in Christ because of our sins, Christ continually reminds us of our place in Him.

I know that was lot, but it was on my heart. Have a great week!

Bated Breath (poetry)

Moon’s white shadow
Concealing err-
Hands run their course
Round, round, and round
With an obscure
Click. Click click click.
Noise arouses
Morning’s dim light-
Try to catch my
Bated Breath. Bated Breath.
Moon flees with night
And dreams -and stars-
Expose what’s hid
Behind the pause
Of time in sleep.
The hands still chase
Eachother there.
And when I wake
I find time in
The click, clicking
Of the new day.
Expose what’s hid-
Tucked away by
Slumber and sheet
And begin again.
Try to catch my
Bated breath. Bated breath.

Exhaling Exhaltation (old poetry)

Inhalation-
Exaltation-
Intake Spirit,
Breathe out Praise.
Inhalation-
Exaltation-
Every breath
ordained and wise.
Inhalation-
Exaltation-
A life beyond sin-
death-
coincidence.
Beyond serendipity
and the muse.
Inhaling life-
purposeful...
Exhaling exaltation
to my Sovereign God.

My alms (old poetry)

A beggar, Lord, I am
my empty cup-
downcast shadow in a faceless crowd.
You shower upon me
your gifts of mercy,
grace,
and yet-
your gift is no gesture
and you give fully what you can.
My small alms cup overflows.

I see a man.
I walk in my robes of satin,
gold,
the very finest.
For what you have provided is

overabundant.

From my cup,
One alms for him-

a gesture.
He smiles- a gesture-
for Lord, you don't understand
why I can not
give you all of my alms.

Water (old poetry)

An elemental combination,
essential constituent of all that lives.
A Mineral, in mass, divides the masses:
separating man and land.

Bestowed in blessing and wrath.
Devastated the earth
and turned to wine
is this same water.

Before me, in me, for me.
In my blood,
in my food
in the rivers, lakes, and streams.

Salt to fresh.
Baptizing flesh.
Living Water that makes all things new.
Yet revisits our cheek
when we summon the past.

Solitary, salty tear
spilling from my eye.
Equally broken and blessed;
healed and scarred.

Joy and forgiveness
pained with repentance:
becomes the river
between my breasts.

An elemental combination,
essential,
dividing my masses,
and you and I as well.

Finding God in carpet fibers (old poetry)

My God.
I have seen Him in the ocean.
in leaves.
in children.
in the sunrise.
But most recently,
I have found my God lingering in my carpet fibers.
He waits.
My God
waits for me to come and join him,
on my knees
on my face-
Breathe Him in.
Silence.
My God
needs no volume button to keep my attention.
Darkness.
My God
needs no flashy screen and bright pictures to captivate me.
My God
Speaks only good and true words.
So why do I settle for less time breathing in carpet fibers?

An Entire Symphony (old poetry)

I asked for a small bit of light,
instead you gave me a full moon.
I asked for a blanket in winter,
instead you gave me the warm sun.

I asked for a pillow to rest,
you gave me an entire night.
I asked for food and drink to live,
instead I sit at your banquet.

I asked you to write me a song,
you replied with a symphony.
I asked for truth and words of hope,
you gave a book of promises.

I asked for forgiveness, just once,
a momentary cleansing of sin.
Instead you said, "I have taken them all".

Smile (old poetry)

So, I want to get some poetry from an old blog transfered to this blog. So, some of the poetry listed as old poetry is from a blog from 1-2 years ago.

Smile

An illusory smile straining muscles reveal not so white
- pearly whites –
cohabiting with a tongue
thrashing truth and lies.
Swallowing sobs down
the welling meets in my eyes-
gravity proves only circumstantial once more.
Nails fiddle with chapped lips then run to
catch the tear they nearly missed.
Distorted black liquefies an insoluble cheek, the falsity painted on my skin
melts
and drowns
my mother's gift of freckles.

Apologies

I must apologize for my blogging laziness as of late. I was all set to start on John the Baptist and then my enthusiasm died. I encourage you to take a look who this man is, but as of now I will not be writing on him (sometimes I get in slumps.... sorry!) However, I have had other things I have been wanting to write about... so stay tuned.

What happened to "Less of me and more of you"?: Taking cues from a honey-eating, camel-wearing hippie

In Matthew 11, an imprisoned John the Baptist hears of the miracles Jesus is performing and sends his disciples to ask Christ "Are you the one who was to come, or should we expect someone else?" (v.3). Christ uses Old Testament prophesy (Isaiah 29:18, Isaiah 35:5) to validate to John the Baptist that he (Jesus) is indeed the Son of God, Messiah, that has been promised. "The blind receive sight, the lame walk, those who have leprosy are cured, the deaf hear, the dead are raised, and the good news is preached to the poor" (Matt 11:5). As John the Baptist's disciples leave to return to him, Jesus begins to preach to the crowd about John, saying
"What did you go out into the desert to see? A reed swayed by the wind? If not, what did
you go out to see? A man dressed in fine clothes? No, those who wear fine clothes are in
kings' palaces. Then what did you go out to see? A prophet? Yes, I tell you, and more than
a prophet. This is the one about whom it is written: " 'I will send my messenger ahead of
you, who will prepare your way before you.' I tell you the truth: Among those born of
women there has not risen anyone greater than John the Baptist; yet he who is least in
the kingdom of heaven is greater than he. " (Matt. 11:7-11).

If John the Baptist's only role was to prepare the way for Christ, why are we not taking cues from this man, of whom Jesus himself said there is "no one greater who is born of women"? Is not our role (and by our role, I mean as church leadership, teachers, and followers of Christ) to prepare the way for the second coming of Christ? How did John the Baptist live? How did he teach? When did church leaders stray away from the "less of me and more of you" mentality of John the Baptist? Was he not called great by Christ himself?

I will explore these ideas over the next few days. If you like, journey with me so that we can all learn to take cues from such a highly regarded man and prophet. I am going to be starting with Luke 1:5-80. Read along and dialogue with me as I search for answers!

Prayers for my students

I am white, middle class, college educated. I always have money in the bank and food in my fridge. I have never been physically harmed, mentally abused, unloved. It seems that I have a fairly average life, and I assume that most reading this can identify. But God has dropped me inside of an urban elementary school in New Orleans, where average includes nothing that I am or have.

My student's stories break my heart. Each and every student has so much going on in their lives. I am writing this blog so that you too can be burdened with them, pray for them, and be moved to transform this city. For the sake of each student's privacy, I will only use the first letter of their name to tell their story.

J. is mischievous and angry. When asked to quiet down or sit in his seat (simple requests), he throws around his skinny, eight year old body- arms flailing-on to the ground or into the corner. This week has been especially difficult. He tells me he is stupid. He tells me he hates himself. We just found out that his father's hospice has moved him into the next, more severe, status. He's too sick for J. to come and visit anymore. J.'s mother is out of the picture due to drugs, and so he lives with his grandmother. Please pray for J. He needs to know the peace of Jesus Christ in his life.

W. is incredibly intelligent. He is usually well behaved but over the past month, has just not been himself. We contacted his mother to see if something at home has changed. She let us know his father is in jail again. Please pray for W.

H. is the class clown. And he is legitimately funny! I have a hard time not laughing, but try my best to not encourage the inappropriate timing of his jokes. H.'s father passed away unexpectedly on Mardi Gras day this year. He has 2 sisters both elementary age as well. He just hasn't been the same since his father died. Today some kids made fun of a poem he wrote for his mom, and he was just so angry. I have never seen a child with so much anger about something so simple. Please pray for H.

A. is a difficult little girl to get along with. I feel bad saying it, but it's true. Her mother has told her teacher that she cannot stand to look at her daughter, because she looks so much like her father. The teacher has told me that because of her mother's disgust for her own daughter, A.'s siblings have essentially been taking care of her. A. is very mean to the other children, but it is all just a repeating of what she is told at home. Please pray for A.

Ar. has asked me to be her mother. Ar. told me that her mother wants to put her up for adoption, and that I could be her white step mom. I told her that I couldn't be her step mom, but I could be her friend and I could be her teacher. She told me that she knew I would say that, but that she would love me like a mom anyways. Please pray for Ar.

Please pray for all my students, but these especially. Pray for New Orleans and the brokenness that is here.

Thoughts on Wholeness and Holiness

1 Thessalonians 5:23-24
May God himself, the God of peace, sanctify you through and through. May your whole spirit, soul, and body be kept blameless at the coming of our Lord Jesus Christ. The one who calls you is faithful and He will do it. (NIV)

The weight of this truth rests heavily on my heart. God has promised me that sanctification is not only possible, but that He will do it (v. 24)! My Lord does not make trivial or sentimental promises. My Mighty King's word is truth!. If God desires that I should be blameless upon Christ's return, then I shall. How do I function today, believing in this promise of sanctification and blamelessness? How does a person who has yet to be completely sanctified (become holy in spirit, soul, body) not grow weary in the hopes of this promise?

As I wrestle with these questions, I read the beginning of verse 23, "May God himself, the God of peace, sanctify you...". Amen! God himself is responsible for the process of sanctification. I cannot make myself holy. I cannot set myself apart. I cannot be made blameless, except through God himself. I also take notice to which of God's names is used when it states WHO is doing the sanctification. The God of Peace. God makes me blameless and sanctifies me in peace. I so often fear that sanctification can never happen because of the pull of my sin winning against the process of sanctification. God will not create a battle inside of me and hope that righteousness comes out the victor! The God of Peace sanctifies me. This is why God must sanctify spirit, soul, and body (v.23). Sanctification cannot be achieved peacefully without all three parts of myself being wholly blameless.

So, what is my role in this whole promise? In verse 24, it says "The one who calls you...", so I suppose my first order of business is to respond to the call. Which I did. Accepting Christ and choosing to follow Him, upon His calling of me, was step one. Upon doing so, He has already begun the process of sanctification, as the Holy Spirit indwell ed me from that moment forward. And step two? I must believe in His promise. He is faithful. He will do it. And I have already seen the fruit of that truth in my life as He has begun to sanctify me in soul and body. To not grow weary in waiting for the promise to be fulfilled is the most difficult part of this process for me. I continually ask God to show me the fruit of this process of sanctification in my life, and I am blown away with how quickly and peacefully this process has taken place in all three parts, but I always desire for it to happen faster. But I rest in believing this promise for myself and I have finally, fully believed that this promise is for me.

A good husband

My husband is a good husband. Scratch that. My husband is a great husband. I consider myself immeasurably blessed when I ponder the person whom God has given me the priveledge to be married to. Erik continues to captivate and pursue me. He romances me not with gifts, but with words and patience, as a strong leader and a refuge. And while it is obviously counter-cultural and questionably politically incorrect, I delight that he is the head of my household, my spiritual leader. I live to be his armor bearer and helper. Erik makes decisions out of love and I know and trust that this man listens to the Holy Spirit for guidance. His humor is refreshing. His strength, my weakness. He speaks words of wisdom and truth into my life, he prays for me. He will be an amazing father. He has illustrated Christ to me and others; he has made me happy. He uncomplicates and makes my life simple. He rejoices in my achievements and builds me up when I fail. He calls me out when I've screwed up. He seeks the best for me. I love my husband, continue to fall in love with him, and am committed to loving him.

Poem: Rainy Children

Puddles kissing rubber soles
smack splash click clash
bright light strike, the thunder roles
smack splash click clash
children cheer and parents snap
smack splash click clash
father's hands become a trap
smack splash click clash
grey becomes the beaten's clothes
smack splash click clash
bitter tears as from a hose
smack splash click clash
days come days go, come and go
smack splash click clash
rainy children filled with woe

When God is not near

I constantly find myself angry with God for things that have happened. The past year is no exception. As I've fully made the transition from kid life to adult life, God has thrown huge and excruciating obstacles my way (and if He isn't the one causing these things to happen, He is at the very least allowing it). I am by no means denying the goodness, grace, mercy, and lovingkindness He constantly shows me. Nonetheless, I often feel burdened with great disappointment (and even anger) in the midst of anything good that may happen to me. The past year was the most difficult of my two-decade life (yes, even trumping the devastating break up of my ill-fated junior high romance) and I simply don't understand for what purpose it all happened. After disappointment I can usually reflect and see the lessons, discipline, and Fatherly love that each situation exposed. Not this year. Is it okay for me to be angry with God? Not just okay, but is it Biblical?

It seems natural that I would turn to David for guidance in this area. David writes in Psalm 13:

How long, O Lord? Will you forget me forever?
How long will you hide your face from me?
How long must I wrestle with my thoughts
And every day have sorrow in my heart?
How long will my enemy triumph over me?
Look on me and answer, O Lord my God.
Give light to my eyes, or I will sleep in death;
My enemy will say, "I have overcome him,"
And my foes will rejoice when I fall. (vv 1-4)

And then in Psalm 22 he writes:

My God, my God, why have you forsaken me?
Why are you so far from saving me
So far from the words of my groaning?
O my God, I cry out to you by day, but you do not answer,
By night, and am not silent (vv 1-2)

These are just two examples of multiple pleas from David throughout the Psalms. Was he angry with God? Absolutely. However, if you continue to read through the end of the Psalms above, David ends on a note of knowing God will return with grace and lovingkindness. My faith in this promise for myself is thin. I feel that all I can do is plead for God to restore this faith in me.

God, remove my wickedness in not believing in your promises. Restore my faith. Please ease my burden, and do not turn your face from me any longer. If there is a lesson in all of this, God, reveal that to me so that I might praise you for your discipline and guidance. Amen

Kids are freaking hysterical

So, here are some of my favorite quotes from the kiddies at school:

Conversation one:  

Student: Mrs. Thien, what's your birthday?

Me: September 5th

Student:  Ooh, Mrs. Thien, you must be kin to my family.

Me: Why, do I have the same birthday as someone you know?  When is your birthday?

Student: No, my birthday is November 27th.

Me: Oh yeah, what year?

Student: 2001.  What about you Mrs. Thien?

Me: 1985

Student: Oooh, you and my grandma was both born in the ones!

Conversation two (I overheard this one, keep in mind this is second grade):

One student to another:  You know who I think is sexy? Brian McKnight.

Second student: Brian McKnight, girl, he's old.

First student: Nope, we went and saw him in concert, and he's lookin good.

More to come...

Poetry: In the corn

(Still in progress)


In the corn
We fled our innocence,
Our naivete tumbling out
Of the car with us-
Our feet as urgent
For the dirt and stalks
As we for each other.
We laid below
the panting leaves-
The light peered over
pale yellow ears,
Illuminating the tense forearm
That grappled at me gently.
In the corn
I worried we might be caught arrested humiliated.
You reassured.
But the wind continued to taunt me.
We got back in my car
And spoke not of corn
The rest of the day.

Battle

It seems I find myself in battle. For those that know me well, rather, know me at all, I am likely the most cynical person you have ever met. I consider it my greatest vice. It builds unscalable walls inside of my most important relationships and has often prevented relationships from ever actually taking root. I often claim that it is my nature. Unavoidable. A loss of said cynicism would be a loss of my identity itself. And a large part of this is true. I would drown in silence at a dinner table with friends or family if I couldn't enjoy sharing a wittingly sharp jab at someone else's expense, usually exposing an impossibly unattainable goal or a person's sheer naivity.
I'm a thief. I steal people's dreams out from underneath them. And in the end, I'm undermining God's speaking into people's lives. The Holy Spirit is whispering into hearts goals that are impossibly unattainable and seemingly naive. But how have I allowed my deep rooted cynicism (that is not of God, but of my sinful nature) to place fear into these people's lives? I love these people but for some time now, I have loved my cynicism more. Forgive me if I have dashed dreams, been insulting, or brashly opposed a great dream you have had. Forgive me for harsh comments and rude words.
I see now what great affect these can have, as I have so engrained this cynicism in my identity that I myself feel defeated in my own dreaming. God, please remove this from me. Only then can I know the fullness of your abilities; only then will I begin to see miracles; only then will I know that we shall all "do greater things than these".